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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28302297">Can I tell anyone?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeahyeahyeahs/pseuds/yeahyeahyeahs'>yeahyeahyeahs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Friendship, Irish Dorcas because I like the accent, Less in a crisis way more in a wdym i'm bi way, Sexuality Crisis, Slice of Life, more of a pre relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:29:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28302297</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeahyeahyeahs/pseuds/yeahyeahyeahs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In September, as always, Dorcas, Mary, Lily and Marlene meet at King’s Cross. Except this year some things are different with Marlene. For one, she dyed her hair pink. For another, she’s kissing Ashley Strickland.<br/>Now Dorcas feels weird things.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Background Lily Evans Potter/James Potter - Relationship, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Can I tell anyone?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! I wrote 1448 words of this back in September, the rest this week, and it's 2am rn so be warned.<br/>Is this heavily inspired by my own feelings when i realised my sexuality? YES except i gave Dorcas a future girlfriend and people interested in her oh well.<br/>Yes the title is from girls by girl in red because i never have ideas for titles and i'm basic</p><p>I forgot what I wanted to say, i'm gonna go to sleep, please tell me if there are English mistakes (i'll probs really format and reread in the future). I hope you enjoy! Happy holidays!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dorcas was not surprised when she caught sight of Marlene’s bright pink hair the moment she put a foot on the wizard side of the platform. That was new, but very Marlene. Plus she wrote in one of her letters that she did something to her hair. The thing she was surprised about was the girl kissing her.</p><p>She shook herself out of her surprise. Her friend came out at the end of their sixth year, a few months ago. It should come as no surprise that she had a girlfriend. She was objectively very pretty and one of the greatest persons Dorcas knew.</p><p>She walked tentatively towards Marlene. She had been burning to see her, what with her family taking a month-long holiday at her grandma’s in Ireland. Gaia and Blue, her barn owl and the McKinnon’s terrifying great horned owl, flew back and forth every other day, but still she had lots of things she wanted to talk about face to face. Apparently she was not the only one.</p><p>She jumped when Lily appeared at her side.</p><p>“Oh wow. Well, it was time, Ashley had been hopelessly eyeing her since Christmas.”</p><p> </p><p>Six of their back to school train rides to Hogwarts had been blissfully similar. Dorcas and Lily sat on one side, comparing memories of a too long summer full of unloving siblings and absent parents until Marlene and Mary grew bored of it and played the game of predictions for the next year. Then they would buy a mountain of sweets from the trolley witch and use them as bets for their very own mix of Uno, War and wizard poker. Sometimes other friends, boyfriends or wanna-be boyfriends (looking at you, James Potter) would join them for a while but usually the Gryffindor girls made the most of their reunion.</p><p>Nearly everything was the same for their seventh year. Lily had nearly slapped her in the face with all the motions she did while retelling when her Petunia introduced her boyfriend to the family. Mary was cooing at her enormous black cat, Mittens, who was trying to sneakily approach a furious Gaia. Except that Dorcas could not concentrate on the depiction of Vernon's face when the family dog pissed on his shoes when Ashley was whispering to Marlene with her stupidly shrill voice. </p><p>Maybe she was excessively annoyed by it. She had a right to be. Ashley had maybe said five words to Marlene in six years, tops, and suddenly she monopolised her? Hell, Dorcas only got a hasty hug and a "I missed you" and she was her best friend! Then they had to spend seven minutes explaining the rules of their game to a confused Ashley before Marlene said that maybe they should play a simpler game. Well, okay, she was trying her best. She knew that she should not reproach Ashley for the fact that Marlene did not give her as much attention than before. She was nice enough and it was unfair of her. But still, it was easier.</p><p> </p><p>Dorcas flopped on her bed. She waved her wand lazily, her gaze following Lily’s copy of Pride and Prejudice that she borrowed over the summer as it flew towards her bedside table. A stray shoe hit Mary's shin and she yelped.</p><p> </p><p>"Is it really too difficult to unpack by hand."</p><p>Dorcas sighed heavily and buried her face in the pillows.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She felt the bed sink and Mary's long dark hair tickle her neck. She reached to untie her own ponytail.</p><p>"Dumbledore just loves his speeches, doesn't he? I mean, I thought he couldn't do longer than last year's but the man somehow always exceeds my expectations."<br/>"I know, I'm so tired. And I ate way too much."<br/>"You say that every first week of every year."<br/>"True. The house elves cook so much better than my mom."<br/>"God I know."</p><p>Mary laughed softly, remembering the week they all spent at her house last summer. By the time dinner came around Lily had politely offered that they'd take charge to "practice cooking spells". Well, she was the only one already seventeen so the others had helped by hand but Ann didn't need to know that.</p><p>"So, what do you think of Ashley?"</p><p>Dorcas shrugged.</p><p>"I don't know. I mean, I didn't even notice her before today."<br/>"I think she was in our Potions class last year? Didn't we share with the Ravenclaws during the first term?"<br/>"Yeah, maybe. Marlene didn't even tell me how they met. Or anything really. It's just, we wrote to each other all summer and she couldn't think of telling me that she suddenly had a girlfriend."</p><p>Mary hummed. She seemed lost in thoughts for a bit, playing distractedly with the hem of Dorcas' maroon blanket.</p><p>"You know, I don't think she did it on purpose. Remember how she was the whole week before her coming out. This is still pretty new to her and maybe she preferred announcing it face to face. I would have done the same."</p><p>That... was plausible. For all her extroverted brashness, Marlene had been very clearly dreading their reactions when she had gathered them in their room. In fact, now that she was thinking about it, she had avoided their gazes in the same way, with only a little bit more confidence, when introducing them to Ashley.</p><p>The door slammed against the wall. None of them blinked, used to Lily's loud entrances. She put so much energy in every single one of her actions it was honestly tiring to even watch sometimes. She kicked her shoes and her bag next to the bed, scooped Mittens in an arm and threw herself on Dorcas and Mary.</p><p>"What's up ladies?"</p><p>Dorcas pushed Lily's pointy elbow so it stopped poking into her ribs. The cat extracted himself from between them and sat on his owner's butt.</p><p>"What's up yourself. How's Potter?"<br/>"I wouldn't know, I was just talking to Remus."</p><p>Mary snickered.</p><p>"Sure, you were just talking to Remus, who can't be seen anywhere without Sirius in a meter radius, who himself is joined at the hip with James."<br/>"I am not talking to you anymore," said Lily. "Hey, where's Marlene? I thought she'd gone up with you."<br/>"She must be with Ashley," commented Dorcas.</p><p>It felt weird, but that must be because it was still new.</p><p> </p><p>Something hit Dorcas' back and she lifted her head from her arms sharply. Fortunately Fernsby didn't seem to have noticed that she fell asleep in the middle of her explanations on crystal balls. She turned to see Marlene grinning at her, an arm already raised to throw another paper ball. Dorcas glared, not quite managing to prevent the corners of her mouth from rising.</p><p>"Pay attention," said Marlene. Then she went back to sketching the bookshelf full of ancient tins and weird plants. And that was coming from someone who had to spend her last detention repotting half of the third greenhouse.</p><p>"Funny you're saying that," answered Dorcas. "Maybe if you didn't wake up half the tower coming back at midnight I wouldn't-"</p><p>She only heard Mary and Lily's chorus of "shhhh" before being sentenced to detention this night.</p><p> </p><p>"Fernsby's such a cow. We were just talking, Sirius was literally holding an audience on the other side of the room!" complained Marlene.</p><p>She scrubbed even more energetically a porcelain teacup. Dorcas was half-afraid it would break in her hands. Surely that would mean bad luck. Maybe she really should start listening in Divination.</p><p>"She must have seen me sleeping. Or you drawing. Or she just remembered that we never got more than a P."<br/>"Still. Ugh, someone left all the tea leaves dry up in this."</p><p>They continued working in silence. Dorcas' stomach growled. She didn't have time to eat because she holed up in the library to write their Transfiguration assignment. She had planned to do it after dinner but of course Fernsby had to schedule their detention until eleven. She still needed to finish her third part.</p><p>"Here."</p><p>Marlene was holding a bread roll wrapped in napkins, seemingly appeared out of nowhere.</p><p>"Oh, thanks."<br/>"I didn't manage to save anything else, wanna go to the kitchens after?"<br/>"Sure. But you don't have to come if you want to go to sleep."<br/>"Nah, I've been dreaming of the house-elves' cheesecake all summer."</p><p>Fernsby arrived a few minutes after, deemed their work "merely passable", which reminded Dorcas of the comments she made on her exam copy last year, and finally freed them.</p><p> </p><p>Fifteen minutes later, when Dorcas was halfway through her overflowing plate of roast and potatoes and Marlene started enthusiastically on her second serving of strawberry cheesecake, the latter brought up the dreaded subject. Well, bring up was a big word.</p><p>“So. Ashley.”<br/>“Ashley,” repeated Dorcas. Then she gulped down her full glass of pumpkin juice to delay her reply to the inevitable question.<br/>“Yeah. Ashley. I hoped I wouldn’t have to ask you this, but, do you like her?”</p><p>There it was.</p><p>“Of course I like her! I mean, I don’t know her much yet, but she seems nice. And you look happy with her.”<br/>“I am. I would be happier if my best friend hadn’t been avoiding her since we’re back. Unless it’s me you’re avoiding.”</p><p>Her voice croaked a little at the end. Dorcas lifted her eyes from her plate. Marlene was staring at her, all high chin and large joking smile, but she could see the imperceptible quavering at the corners of her lips, the well-hidden crease of her brows. Her friend had never been one to voluntarily show worry or sadness. Dorcas’ throat tightened painfully. She felt a weird impulse to reach over their cutlery and hold Marlene’s hand. She put both her hands flat on the table instead.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I wasn’t avoiding you. Well, I guess I kinda was, but I didn’t want to. It’s just… I don’t know, it felt weird, you know? It has always been you, Lily, Mary and me, and I guess I felt like Ashley came out of nowhere and monopolised all your attention since.”<br/>“She didn’t come out of nowhere, we’ve been talking since months.”<br/>“I know! I know that now, but you didn’t even tell me you were seeing someone until the Hogwarts Express. I know that you probably just were, maybe self-conscious or something and I understand that, I really do, but I thought we told each other everything.”</p><p>A surge of relief washed over her as she finally put words on her emotions. Inexplicably watery blue eyes clung to Marlene’s brown ones. Her mouth moved on her own accord.</p><p>“I know I do, at least.”</p><p>And yet it felt like a lie.</p><p> </p><p>Things were better between them after that. Dorcas made an effort to get to know Ashley. Mary told her in the middle of brainstorming about yet another drawn-out essay for McGonagall, as in passing, that she was glad they made up. So why did she still feel weird?</p><p>“What do you think about Jake?”<br/>“Jake?” repeated Dorcas, thinking that she should find friends who didn’t need to mention names twice before getting to the point.<br/>“Jake Jackson. Hufflepuff? He sits in front of us in Divination,” helpfully informed Lily, which did absolutely nothing to refresh her memory.<br/>“What kind of name is Jake Jackson?”</p><p>She apathetically watched Marlene make another extravagant flourish with her wand before pointing it at the cactus dying on the windowsill. The plant didn’t change, except for maybe looking even sadder.</p><p>“That’s not the point.”</p><p>Lily sounded excited, which was never a good sign. At least when it concerned Dorcas. She tore her gaze from the now purple cactus to shoot a dirty look at her friend, sprawled next to her on her bed.</p><p>“Then I don’t want to know what the point is.”</p><p>Lily flicked her nose.</p><p>“Don’t be so childish. The point is, that boy has been desperately trying to get your attention lately.”<br/>“What? Now you’re just making things up. I don’t even remember his face.”<br/>“What boy?” </p><p>Marlene had apparently given up on saving the plant. She plump down on the carpet at the foot of Dorcas’ bed, all the while tying her pink hair in a complicated-looking plait. Dorcas groaned and pressed her pillow on her face. Lily could be annoying enough, in that sisterly “I will harass you over a boy mostly to embarrass you” way, but paired with Marlene, maybe death by suffocating in a pillow would be more pleasant. It would certainly be faster, at least.</p><p>“Jake from Divination.”<br/>“Oh, the Hufflepuff boy? With freckles?”</p><p>Dorcas could feel the self-satisfaction emanating from Lily, but her friend still held up the pillow to give her pointed “I told you so” look.</p><p>“See? Even Marlene knows who he is. And she’s spent all our Divination classes doing other subject’s homework.”<br/>“Maybe but I still am Y’s favourite student, so who is the winner here?”<br/>“You’re just lucky enough that every time you make up a prediction it can be interpreted as true and that’s honestly the biggest injustice I’ve ever seen, how can you be right every time, everybody knows you just bullshit them and yet-”</p><p>Dorcas interrupted Lily’s rant as they all knew her acute sense of justice was only exceeded by her talent for argumentation, and neither of them wanted to listen to this one. Not for the third time in only a month of school.</p><p>“Point is, I’m not interested in Jake. And you’re probably imagining it anyway.”<br/>“I’m not! Just wait and see.”<br/>“We have Divination first thing tomorrow, borrow him a quill or something, or just even say hello, and we’ll see his reaction,” said Marlene.<br/>“Why are you teaming against me.”<br/>“We’re not teaming against you, we’re teaming over love,” answered Lily, wiggling her eyebrows.</p><p>Dorcas rolled her eyes and dropped her pillow on her face again.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course! You can keep it!”</p><p>A blushing Jake held out the quill he was writing with. Ink dropped on his white shirt. He looked at the stain, stammered something, thrust the quill in Dorcas’ hand and turned to face the blackboard. Dorcas stared at his reddening ears and ignored Marlene pushing her elbow in her ribs and Lily and Mary sniggering behind her. With friends like that, who needed enemies.</p><p> </p><p>She sat in the stands on one of the last sunny days with Lily to watch Mary’s training. Well, she came for Mary, Lily might have come for a certain glass-sporting, wild-haired, slack-jawed-upon-seeing-her Quidditch captain.<br/>Mary swung her bat at the basketball Valentina Khan, one of the Chasers in sixth year, threw her. Dorcas watched Valentina fly at full speed after it. She caught it just before it hit the goal near the stands. She grinned at the ball in her hands and Dorcas smiled too. As if she felt eyes on her, the girl looked down at her, still grinning. Dorcas made an awkward thumbs up and watched as she flew back towards the rest of the team.</p><p>“Wow, that was impressive,” said Lily.</p><p>Dorcas suddenly remembered her presence.</p><p> </p><p>The trio had just sat for dinner, deciding not to wait for Marlene who had been nowhere to be seen since telling them that she would make the most of this Sunday to spend time with her girlfriend, when a flash of pink hair caught Dorcas’ eye. Marlene stood at the entrance of the Great Hall with Ashley. She was moving her arms around as she talked animatedly and Ashley, entirely red, seemed to talk at the same time. Students were skirting around them to get to the tables, more than a few shooting them curious looks. </p><p>“Look,” said Dorcas. “What’s going on with them?”</p><p>Just as the other girls, and Remus who was talking with them, turned their head, Ashley stomped towards the Ravenclaw table. Marlene watched her ponytail swing back and forth angrily. As she walked up to them, Dorcas thought that she seemed deflated. Smaller.</p><p>Marlene slid on the bench next to her and grabbed the first dish even though she didn’t like peas. Mary and Dorcas looked at each other. Lily cautiously steered back the discussion on everyone’s plans for the holidays, already only two weeks later. </p><p>“Let’s get back together on New Year. It was so fun last year. You could come,” she added towards Remus. </p><p>Dorcas nodded. Since fifth year her parents had agreed to let her the house while they celebrated with their own friends.</p><p>“Sure. You could even bring your friends, if they behave.”</p><p>She lifted an eyebrow to Lily. The other girl smiled sweetly and kicked her shin under the table. Dorcas turned to Marlene who had been silent the whole time.</p><p>“Marlene, you could invite Ashley.”</p><p>She yelped as another foot hit her leg, this time Mary’s.</p><p>“Hum, I mean-”<br/>“We’ll see,” said Marlene, cutting through what would have probably become awkward excuses. “I’ll give you her answer later.”</p><p>Then she looked back at her peas. The tension was fortunately dissipated by James as he loudly asked Lily if she would do him the honor of dancing with him. She made a show of pondering it and Sirius dramatically declared to James that he would always be there to dance with him.</p><p> </p><p>Later, in the dorm, Marlene told them about how having a relationship in school was much more different to having a relationship during summer vacation that she thought. About how now she was anxious about schoolwork, spending time with her friends and still having quality time with Ashley where none of them was distracted. How it was their last year and it was already the end of the first trimester and she felt pressured to make the most of it. She cried a bit and they played cards until their eyes burned and they couldn’t keep score anymore.</p><p> </p><p>At breakfast Ashley didn”t come over to kiss Marlene good morning, but Valentina Khan, looking extremely put together next to the bleary-eyed seventh years, stopped at the corner of the table where they were hoarding enough pots of coffee to kill a small child.</p><p>“Hi, Mary! I wanted to ask you about next week’s training, because-”</p><p>Dorcas drowned out the rest of the conversation. It normally didn’t bother her to listen to Mary talking about Quidditch, she liked watching games, but right now strategy for last-minute training before the holidays and the match against Slytherin in early January was the last thing she wanted to hear about. She focused on chewing her toast and only tuned back on upon hearing her name.</p><p>“Ah, that makes a lot more sense! I wanted to ask James at the end of yesterday’s training but I was afraid I’d launch into another passionate lecture and I’d be stuck for hours, so,” she laughed. “Anyway, thank you! See you tomorrow! See you around, Dorcas!”</p><p>She hoisted the strap of her leather bag higher on her shoulder, made a friendly wave in direction of the four girls, and joined her friends further on the table. Dorcas blinked.</p><p>“How does she know my name?”<br/>“Well you know hers, don’t you,” said Lily, eyes closed and hands muffling her voice from where they supported her head.<br/>“Yeah, because she’s on the Quidditch team and their names are announced at every game. Plus Mary talks about her team, but she doesn”t talk about us.”<br/>“I do,” clarified Mary. “We literally spend all day every day together, of course I talk about you. But Valentina specifically asked me your name yesterday.”<br/>“What? Why?”<br/>“I don’t know, she just asked me who were my two friends in the stands who cheered everytime I used my bat, including when I failed. I gave her Lily’s name too.”</p><p>Marlene clutched her heart dramatically.</p><p>“I can’t believe you followed our tradition of cheering for Evelyn without me.”<br/>“I should be the one offended if you can’t even remember my name.”<br/>“I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about your bat. We named it Evelyn last game.”</p><p>Mary only lifted her eyebrows as an answer. Lily and Dorcas shrugged.</p><p>“She kinda looks like an Evelyn.”<br/>“She didn’t tell me she’d see me around, though,” said Lily. “Only you.”</p><p>Then she winked and Dorcas choked on her toast.</p><p> </p><p>Someone knocked on the door of their dorm just as Dorcas got out of the bathroom, toweling her hair energetically. She couldn’t be bothered to let it air dry when it was already cold. Lily opened the door to reveal a checked pyjamas-clad Valentina.</p><p>“Hi. There’s someone at the portrait asking for Marlene McKinnon.”</p><p>Marlene looked up from her sketchbook, brow furrowed.</p><p>“You know who?”<br/>“A Ravenclaw. Ashley, I think?”</p><p>Marlene threw a cardigan over her own pyjamas and slipped out of the door but Valentina didn”t leave immediately. Instead, she looked at Dorcas who was turning her drawer inside out in a desperate search for her hairbrush.</p><p>“Hi again,” she said, smiled, and then left.</p><p>The door was just closed that Mary and Lily sniggered suspiciously. Dorcas pointedly didn’t look at her and walked to the bathroom with her brush.</p><p> </p><p>Marlene returned at midnight with another detention for braving curfew and a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Jake Jackson was waiting in the corridor when Dorcas got out. She had stayed behind after Defense Against the Dark Arts to ask Mrs Roberts for more explanation on nonverbal spells. She understood the material but still didn’t manage it in practice and it frustrated her to no end. The class had always been one of her strong suits.</p><p>Mary only had time to drop her stuff in their dorm before going to training so she had told the girls to go ahead without her. She wondered if she had time to go to the library to borrow the book Roberts had recommended before joining them or if she should go directly to the pitch.</p><p>Jake called to her and she jumped. She had only realised he was also in this class since the Divination ordeal. Maybe she should make more of an effort to at least know the names of her classmates. He straightened up from where he was leaning against the wall, made a step towards her, tripped on his bag, picked it up and waved awkwardly. Apparently the blushing ears and neck was a reoccurring thing. Dorcas vaguely thought that it was cute in a way.</p><p>“Hey! I heard you talking to your friends and Mrs Roberts -I didn’t eavesdrop I swear, I just heard that you had problems with wordless spells, and, I’m pretty good at it -not to sound arrogant, everybody has facilities for something and don’t for other, but-”<br/>“Yeah?” she eloquently interrupted, hoping he would get back on track. Lily was definitely wrong in saying he wanted to attract her attention if it made him so uncomfortable.<br/>“I was wondering if you’d want help? We could study together and try to get what blocks you.”</p><p>Her first reaction was to reject the offer, thank you very much but she didn’t need help. Except that she kind of did, and he clearly offered by sheer kindness. </p><p>“Oh, sure! If that doesn’t bother you, of course.”<br/>“Of course not!”</p><p>He grinned. They walked together since his common room and the pitch were in the same direction and she offered to help him study for Divination in return. She’d get the book on Thursday, when they agreed to get together at the library.</p><p> </p><p>Before she knew it, Dorcas found herself back in the Hogwarts Express. The study session with Jake paid off: she felt like she grasped the wand movements and the intentions better, and the boy relaxed enough that they even chatted a bit about their plans for the holidays and their families. Obviously, her friends teased her endlessly when she reluctantly announced why she would go to the library on a holiday's eve, but she would be worried if they didn’t.</p><p>After the usual five minutes of hugging, wishing a happy Christmas and swearing of arriving on time at New Year (well, that was mostly Marlene. And Lily), Dorcas walked up to her parents. As they left, half-drowning in the crowd and the excited catching-up, even though they sent letters every week, a particular red scarf and even redder lipstick caught her eye and she smiled at Valentina, mouthing a goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>Then it was a blur of sleeping until noon under the pretense of recovering from studying, drinking tea with her dad, fake grumbling to endlessly try on the pullover her mom swore would finally be her gift this time (last year it had become a blanket when the sleeves proved too difficult to attach, on her birthday she even more inexplicably unwrapped an enormous stuffed dog), walking Ella, the german shepherd and model for the toy, and visiting family.</p><p> </p><p>It was Christmas and she sat between her father and her nineteen-year-old cousin Gemma. Inevitably her mother’s aunt -or was it her dad’s?- asked if she had a boyfriend. She had just opened her mouth that she added “or a girlfriend” and droned out about how her parents had told her that Marlene (“one of your good friends from school, these nice girls”) had a girlfriend. Her dad joined in to redundantly assure her that the only thing that mattered was her happiness. Then she finally was able to answer that no, she didn’t have a boyfriend, neither a girlfriend for that mattered, even if she was indeed “such a pretty young girl”. </p><p>It was nice to know that her family was accepting. But it felt weird. Embarrassing, like it always was to talk about your lack of a relationship in front of your full extended family, but something else. She didn’t want her family to talk about her having a girlfriend. Of course it wouldn’t be a problem, but she didn’t want a girlfriend. She was straight. She had never even questioned it, except for the part of teenage life where everyone does. Everyone did wonder if they were attracted to the same gender at least once. Everyone had a time in their teenage years where they kind of obsessed about a girl and wanted to impress her, but that was a mix of wanting to be her and wanting to be a friend. That was a normal part of life. And what if this girl had been Marlene for her? And now Marlene had a girlfriend. But Dorcas was her best friend, as she had been since the first day of their first year when Marlene had looked at her sitting alone in the train and declared that they would be.</p><p>Sure, she hadn’t ever had a boyfriend, but that was mostly from a cocktail of low self-esteem and lack of interest. She had crushes, she just didn’t act on them because she was shy and didn’t feel the need to invest time and effort in them. And none of them had been on girls.</p><p>When she got into bed that night in the room she shared with her cousins, sleepy from all the cake and the sips of champagne, her mind turned back on it. As her eyes closed she inexplicably thought of Valentina. Without knowing why either she forced <br/>herself to think of Jake.<br/>But in her dreams that night she was hanging with her friends, laughing at Mary’s joke, and turning purposefully to watch Marlene’s face split by her sunny smile.</p><p> </p><p>She navigated around Lily and James talking, flashing a discreet thumbs up at Lily when she tucked her hair behind her ears, exchanged a tipsy chuckle with Sirius who saw everything, and finally joined Marlene and Remus with three miraculously still full glasses.</p><p>“Honestly it was for the best. There are no hard feelings. We were just meant to be a summer thing.”<br/>“What are you talking about?” asked Dorcas. The music was loud, she must have misunderstood.<br/>“Ashley and I broke up at the beginning of the holidays,” said Marlene. “I didn’t tell you immediately because, well, it was still a breakup and I didn’t really want to talk about it, but now I’m okay.”</p><p>Dorcas leaned in for a hug, hitting Remus’ arm in the process. Maybe she was a bit more drunk than she thought.</p><p>“Oh, Marlene, I’m sorry,” she said, patting her hair. “She was nice, but you’re nicer, and you’re very pretty, and funny, you’ll find someone else in no time.”<br/>She tugged on her cheek like a grandma because she felt like it.<br/>“She has no idea what she lost. You’re a catch.”</p><p>She heard the others start the countdown and they joined in loudly, still more close than they needed to be. </p><p>“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”</p><p>She kissed loudly Marlene’s cheek, did the same to Remus, and sauntered away to hug her other friends just as forcefully. </p><p> </p><p>Watching Sirius pop open the bottle of champagne he brought, she suddenly remembered her thoughts of Christmas. Except this time she didn’t think of Valentina, who was beautiful and nice but didn’t make her laugh to tears. She didn’t think of Jake, who was funny and cute but who she didn’t know more than herself.<br/>She felt the bubbles on her tongue and it needed to be said now.</p><p>“I think I like girls. No, I don’t think so, I know. I like boys and I like girls.”</p><p>All eyes were on her.</p><p>“Well, I thought we’d wait a bit to start truth and dare,” said James.</p><p>Lily smacked his head playfully and gave Dorcas a side hug.</p><p>“Thanks for telling us, Dorcas. Hey, I need to ask, could this be related to Valentina Khan in any way?”</p><p>Dorcas laughed. She caught Marlene's eye.</p><p>“No, I don’t think so.”</p><p>As she felt the warmth of her friends, she knew good things were waiting for her.</p>
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